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Well......I'm just slick as a whistle......

Oh, Hello!!  How wonderful to see you again!  I missed you, too!

Well, the colonoscopy is scheduled for later today and I've gone through the "Preparations" (not the Preparation H's).  I had to drink this stuff called Magnesium Citrate--that was the opening act.  Wow.....I've gotta tell you......this is some vile stuff....it was only 10 oz of liquid to drink (although, in retrospect, I probably should've checked the label more carefully--something this bad tasting can't POSSIBLY go down the gullet!) and I--the guy who can do straight shots of 100+ proof bourbon without blinking an eye, had to really force it down.  It tasted what I imagine Lemony Pledge would taste like if you were to squirt it into your mouth and swallow it.....(don't do that--don't even THINK about doing that!)  I mean, FUCKIN' BLEAGH!!!!!!!  I mean, REALLY FUCKIN' BLEAGH!!!!!!  Really nasty......and THAT was just the warm up....

Next came the GALLON JUG of mix, called something snappy like PEG-1284.......which, by comparison, tasted like slightly salty water....at first.  As I slammed through it (10 oz. every fifteen minutes), it slowly started to leave a taste of candlewax in my mouth.....but, at least it was better than the magnesium citrate....

Try drinking 10 oz. of ANYTHING, every 15 minutes, for a couple hours....

It only took about 2/3 of a gallon to clean me out BUTT good--har-har......

I actually felt worse BEFORE drinking it.  No food all day, feeling a bit woozy and in need of a V8 potassium boost (which I couldn't have--not a clear liquid), I thought I was destined to just float uneasily, queasily, and light-headed until the procedure was finished the next day (later today now).....BUT it turns out that PEG-1284 (or whatever it's called) is packed full of ELECTROLYTES and, damn, I've been feelin' right perky all night.  Hungry, sure, now that I'm completely fucking cleaned out from stem to stern, but still, pretty good for not having eaten anything solid in the last 18 hours....

Okay......to "pass" the time (my, how I make-a myself laugh!), I decided to go the iPod route: Music.  Always a great healer to me.  Listened to Tom Waits' Nighthawks at the DIner (for the laughs and tunes) and then skipped around a bit.  At one point, I was, uh, evacuating and singing while doing so: The Roches, My Sick Mind......I've probably just insured years of psychotherapy for Kid Kato.....

Ah, nuts, should've been listening to George singing All Things Must Pass.....(yuk-yuk-yuk!)

Anyway....part one of the procedure is DONE!  Next is to slug through the snowstorm (they better not cancel this procedure or there's gonna be TROUBLE!) and then comes......>The DRUGS<........

There's nothing quite like pharmaceutical grade anesthetics/painkillers......just something about feeling that cold/burn rush up your arm, the tingling and then, so quickly, the dreamscape of twilight unconsciousness......I really see how people can become junkies.....that's my pay-off for taking care of my health: enjoying a really great rush in a controlled environment.....

Wow--that just sounds terrible but, alas, it's true.  I mean, give me a good pipeful of some strong grass any day--I could never in a million years shoot-up or take painpills for laughs--but these......how can you not like 'em???

Anyway, the worst is over--I believe--so let's hope things continue "smoothly" (ah, stop it, you're killin' me!)......the main question now is: WHAT AM I GONNA GOB DOWN WHEN I'M AWAKE ENOUGH TO HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT??!?!  Pretty sad when a Kentucky Fried Rhino ad had me drooling earlier......

Okay, that's it from this end.....errrrr......welll.......you know......

With Love from the Heartland~

--Jaxon


Current Location:
My back porch HAHAHA!
Current Mood:
Tentative
Current Music:
Nuttin' right now.....
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